I'm lying at the foot of the bed staring blankly at the ceiling. After an hour of feeding, burping and occasional bouts of crying (his and mine), Hunter is finally napping. I breathe a sigh of relief. I just might be able to eat the lunch that has been waiting for me at the table.
But then River looks at me and pleads, "Mommy can you please play with me?". That almost made me cry. I am exhausted both mentally and physically. I am sleep deprived and i haven't had a decent night's sleep. And it's not that my husband doesn't help because he does. He tries to lighten the load for me when he's home. But it's just me and the kids together most of the time and as much as i love my children, i cant help but feel tired. Just so tired.
I hear little footsteps going towards me. I swallow my annoyance and opened my eyes. I gaze at my daughter and all my frustrations quickly melted away. I take a deep breath, wipe my eyes and smile. She needs me and i'll be damned if she'll feel that I'm not there for her.
We move to the floor where her toys are. She wants to do the puzzles first. "Mommy, can you help me find the corners?". In between tickles and giggles and hugs and high-fives, we finished her puzzle. She's not tired yet. I played her favorite songs. She danced and i danced with her. It doesn't matter that I'm hungry, that i haven't had any sleep or that there are chores waiting to be done. What matters is this moment. What's important is that i am there for her.
She stops mid dance and declares that she's tired and wants to nap. We lie down on the bed. I'm sandwiched between her and her brother. He stirs so i move towards him. She snuggles closer to me and hugs my arm. "I love you Mommy" I kissed her forehead. She sighed and smiled.
We napped together. My lunch long forgotten on the table.